I remember a time I smiled through everything.
At school, with friends, even alone, I wore joy like armour. Compliments like “you are so strong” or “you are always so positive” felt like praise, but they also became a trap.

There is a strange loneliness in forced positivity. It isolates you, making you feel like you are different than the people who are in touch with their emotions, even special. It creates this narative that you posess some sort of superhuman strenght to put on a smile in every possible moment, and fill every room with laughter, as if you are declaring war on every other emotion that isn’t happiness.

Where Did This Constant Positivity Obsession Come From?

This obsession with staying positive didn’t appear out of nowhere. Many of us were raised by generations that survived by supressing emotion. “Keep your chin up” wasn’t just advice; it was survival.

Then came the self-help era. Bookshelves filled with mantras about mindset and manifestations. The message was clear: you create your reality, so if you are suffering, maybe you are just not thinking positively enough. That pressure quietly seeped in.

And now, we scroll. Social media gives us reels of curated joy, filtered confidence and endless affirmations. It rewards smiles, not sorrow. Online, sadness often feels like a glitch in the feed…something to skip past, mute, or hide.

Why Forced Positivity Hurts More Than It Heals

The concept of always staying positive, no matter the circumstances, may seem like a healthy mindset at first glance. However, forcing positivity can often do more harm than good. While optimism has its place, suppressing genuine emotions and pretending everything is fine can lead to emotional disconnection, feelings of isolation, and unprocessed trauma.

When we dismiss difficult emotions in favour of a “good vibes only” mentality, we deny ourselves the opportunity to confront and work through challenges. This emotional bypassing can make others feel invalidated when they share their struggles, reinforcing the idea that negativity is unacceptable. Over time, this can damage relationships and create an unhealthy environment where people feel pressured to hide their true feelings.

Unprocessed emotions don’t simply disappear; they get stored in the subconscious. Think of the subconscious as a drawer where unresolved feelings and memories are tucked away. You can keep filling that drawer, but eventually, it overflows—and when it does, all the pain and hurt come spilling out. This is often how mental health struggles, such as anxiety, take root and grow.

True growth happens when we embrace the full range of human emotions. Making room for sadness, frustration, and vulnerability fosters self-awareness and resilience. Instead of forcing positivity, focus on creating a balance, acknowledging hardships while also seeking hope and solutions. Authenticity, not forced positivity, is the key to emotional well-being and meaningful connections.

What To Do Instead of Forcing Positivity

Embrace Authentic Emotions: Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully without judgment. Acknowledge both the positive and challenging feelings as valid parts of your experience.

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Recognize that it’s okay to have difficult days and that you don’t have to have all the answers.

Focus on Gratitude, Not Perfection: Shift your attention to the small things you’re thankful for without pressuring yourself to be overly optimistic. Gratitude can coexist with other emotions.

Seek Connection: Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Talking openly can lighten the emotional load and create deeper bonds.

Take Action When Possible: If certain challenges are within your control, take small steps toward addressing them. Action can provide a sense of empowerment and hope.

Engage in Mindfulness: Stay present in the moment without trying to change it. Mindfulness allows you to observe your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

In Conclusion

Forced positivity may come from a well-meaning place, but it often silences genuine emotion and discourages the very connection we need to heal and grow. By acknowleding that it’s okay not to feel okay, we create space for authenticity, empathy, and true support. Instead of masking our struggles with constant smiles or “good vibes only” mantras, let’s normalize feeling the full range of human emotions, as well as validate our own experiences in this world. True mental wellness begins not with pretending, but with granting ourselves the freedom to feel, to express, and to be truly heard.